I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
