you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I supernannyed him into submission
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
