handjob tips. give me some.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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