How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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