Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
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does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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