this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
