batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
