how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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