I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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