Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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