We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
