I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
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the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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