Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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