its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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