put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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