So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
