The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
do nipples grow back?
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