I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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