my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
