May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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