i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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