She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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