Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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