I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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