His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
