Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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