peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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