I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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