dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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