Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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