In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
