so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
