Capitaan dildo arrescate!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
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MIDGETS
????
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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