I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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