I met the friendliest cop last night
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
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I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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