i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
