im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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