how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
