Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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