i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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