You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
