Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
