We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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