just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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