For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
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I need you to use more vowels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize