look no pants
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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