Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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