She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
