i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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