I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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