this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
