Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
