he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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