is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
