I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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