we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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