first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
