I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
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like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
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Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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