I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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