dude i'm inner monologue high
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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