I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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