also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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