There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
