guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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