When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Go after that dick
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Text me some of your sweat
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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