I'm really into asian looking animals
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
