i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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