Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize