dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My balls are so social today.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
