I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
