i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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