my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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