Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
