God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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